After multiple rounds of internal editing on an e-blast, my client was stuck. She felt good about the direction, but after the umpteenth draft, the email was still… fine.
The message was “change your plans to join us” good but the copy was like a perfectly acceptable but not terribly exciting meal.
There was nothing wrong with her tomato!
In this case, as in so many others, there was nothing wrong with the message or approach. She knew what she wanted to say and why it was important.
All it needed was a little seasoning. That’s because salt does to copy exactly what it does to a *tomato: It makes it more like itself. What it doesn’t do is change it into something it’s not.
*If tomatoes aren’t your jam, please do two things:
1) Try a tomato straight from the vine and still warm from the sun
2) Replace the example with a food item you relate to better
Here are 4 steps to salty copy:
Step one: Simplify
One of the most basic steps to salty copy is to simplify, simplify, simplify. I still remember some of the best writing advice I ever got in high school: omit unnecessary words.
Here’s an example:
“Take out all the words that don’t serve the purpose of your overall mission.”
becomes
“Omit unnecessary words.”
See how much cleaner that is? This appeals to my de-cluttering nature. I make a game of taking words out and reducing redundancy. I’ve found that it is the easiest way to improve writing drastically in one revision.
Step two: Use story
This is recycled advice. But it’s recycled for good reason! Stories have a divine way of making people feel and understand.
In the example (included in full below), the client wrote about things “women” can relate to and “one person who…” It’s all true! But in the revision, we named the “one person,” and told her story specifically. After all, the invitation was to hear her speak.
So
“One person who just returned from her first trip to Peru with Nuevo Camino can relate to all of this. She is a mother a nurse, and a friend. She said, “I had one hundred reasons not to go on this trip and one reason to go.”
became
“My friend Lynn Ann has a job, 4 young kids, a minivan, and every reason in the world not to take a trip to a third world country at this stage in her life. But she had one quiet, persistent reason to go.
Step three: Get seriously specific
This goes hand-in-hand with using story. Think about what it’s like to sit across the table from the best storytellers you know. They don’t just tell you about something that happened, they take you there. They let you inside their thoughts. They paint a picture with their words.
In our example, we name the “hundred reasons” Lynn Ann had not to go:
“Just a few months ago, she was shopping for medical supplies along with her friends— ready to support their medical service trip to Peru. But surely this was not the trip for her. It just wasn’t the right timing (still paying off hospital bills from those last two babies, y’all). It was most definitely not convenient (ever traveled to a third world country with a breast pump?). And it was far from glamorous (ever washed sores on villagers’ feet?).”
Step four: Remember who you’re talking to
Here’s another piece of advice from high school advice I use daily: Consider your audience. You’re going to position most stories differently to your best friend than you would to your great grandmother.
This email was going out to a women’s network made up of busy, service-minded people. It had to include why it mattered to them. The not-so-secret secret is that while the email was about Lynn Ann, it was really about every person who was going to read it and was feeling like their days (or maybe even their lives) were missing some of the salt. So after bringing them in with Lynn Ann’s story, it needed to address the reader specifically:
You can either lose yourself in the bills and the schedules and the stuff of life. Or you can lose yourself in the stuff that gives you life.
Life doesn’t offer many invitations to take the time to do something that fuels you. You have to fight for it. Consider this your invitation to hear from someone who did exactly that.
But hear this: it’s not just about Lynn Ann’s experience in Peru. It’s about you and your “one reason.”
Here’s the full before and after:
Before:
When is the last time you really slowed down and considered the dreams in your heart? Life does not always offer invitations to do what is meaningful to you. You have to fight for it.
As women, we can schedule work meetings, plan carpool for kids’ activities, make dinner plans, and then forget to take the time to tend to our own hearts. The part of us that is the very core of who we are. The gives us the supply we need for all the other parts.
One person who just returned from her first trip to Peru with Nuevo Camino can relate to all of this. She is a mother a nurse, and a friend. She said, “I had one hundred reasons not to go on this trip and one reason to go.”
Join us next Thursday, October 28 to hear more about her experience in Peru. You will leave inspired to pursue that “one reason” in your heart and refreshed from sharing in the struggles and victories with other like-minded people.
Listening online? There will be a special talkback portion with someone from our local team who can answer questions and provide a space for everyone online to connect more.
After:
Subject: You better lose yourself
Surely I’m not the only one listening to rap music in the carpool, right?
My friend Lynn Ann has a job, 4 young kids, a minivan, and every reason in the world not to take a trip to a third world country at this stage in her life. But she had one quiet, persistent reason to go.
It just takes one reason
Just a few months ago, she was shopping for medical supplies along with her friends— ready to support their medical mission trip to Peru. But surely this was not the trip for her. It just wasn’t the right timing (still paying off hospital bills from those last two babies, y’all). It was most definitely not convenient (ever traveled to a third world country with a breast pump?). It was not glamorous (ever washed sores on villagers’ feet?). Lynn Ann has.
Because she decided to listen to that quiet voice that said, “Isn’t this why you became a nurse in the first place? Isn’t this the stuff that gives your life the inspiration that makes it worth living?”
You better lose yourself
You can either lose yourself in the bills and the schedules and the stuff of life. Or you can lose yourself in the stuff that gives you life.
Life doesn’t offer many invitations to take the time to do something that fuels you. You have to fight for it. Consider this your invitation to hear from someone who did exactly that.
But hear this: it’s not just about Lynn Ann’s experience in Peru. It’s about you and your “one reason.”
This is your invitation to your moment
We hope you’ll join us and leave just a little more in touch with that voice that’s trying, ever so delicately, to lead you to your moment.
See the difference?
The client started with a perfectly respectable tomato and the end result was still hers. It was her idea and her heart and her voice. All it needed was a little salt.